know your worth:
know who you are and take the time to figure it out and appreciate it. dont grow up and finally turn 19 and decide you are gonna start living for yourself. when you’re young know what you stand for because people will try and tell you different every chance they can. they’ll try and take it from you. know how special you are. how impactful. how loving. beautiful. smart. and how much of an individual. never let someone make you feel bad for who you are, who you choose to love and the decisions you make. its your right. know that. also know who you are outside of a relationship. never lose yourself in a relationship. never get to the point where you dont know who you are without someone. those are the people who have the most control over your lives, who can destroy you. dont let them destroy you.
i started this entry because recently ive come to the realization that i live my life for and in mind of other people. i dont quite know what makes me as an individual happy. i would more rather give up my own happiness than see someone, anyone, miserable. because i feel more equipt to handle misery than other people. and thats bad. its really unfortunate. the unfortunate part of it, is that 7 times out of 10 that person im giving everything up for, wouldnt do the same for me. i help people not because i want them to pay me back or i want recognition, but because they asked. and i say that not to known as a good person but to point out the fact that im a sucker who has been ignoring their own value when it shouldve been shining so bright. dont let peple steal your light. dont let ANYONE tell you you arent good enough or that you only deserve but for so much! because theyre wrong! you deserve the WORLD! and you can have it. but you have to know you can have it. know it, please. take the time to know your worth, your capabilities, your sun.
recognize the people in your life, appreciate their purpose.
this doesnt necessarily mean you have to like the people who are in your life always, becase you arent always going to; but just understand that they are there for a reason. realize that the people who are in your life do serve a purpose and have some impact on the person you are. because people create experiences, without them you wouldnt experience anything, think about it. had you never bought that car from that guy you wouldnt have made it to school where you found your wife. my junior year in high school was rather rough for me. my family and i moved to nc and stayed with my mom’s old best friend for MAYBE 2 months and EVERYTHING changed, everything. she, my moms ex bestfriend of 16 years, and her children really put us through some things but i had to step back and look at things and i realized that it might not have been an ideal year but it was a necessary year. yes, i wanted to be somewhere else but i wouldnt trade that year for ANYTHING. in return, not only did i grow as a person but i met really good people. some of whom i am still very close to to this day. and had it not been for my brother who lead us back to my moms friend who lead us to nc i wouldnt have experienced any of that. i wouldnt have grown. i guess thats another lesson in all of this, recognize the difference between change and growth. likewise there is a difference between changing for someone and changing with someone. i digress, my whole point is that the people in your life lead you to the things you were meant to see, there is a reason we are not in this world alone, everyone needs someone.
know love and when to accept love
the funny thing about love is that if was never there in the first place it probably wont ever be there. i think i said that when i was 13? 14? and i still find it to be true to this day to a certain extent. i do believe that you can not make someone love you, to quote myself, “it has to be internal for them”. but love to me is a funny thing to explain, very very funny because its definition is so vernacular. so, i’ll answer this in the quickest and most valid way i know how. when i was at my aunties house my, i think it was my 11 year old cousin asked me “how do you know you love someone?” and i remember being stuck, and i said, “hmm, well, the easiest way i can think to explain it is, you know you love someone when the things youd do for your family you’d do for them without having to think about it.” and he said, “ohhhhhhh, okay.” and then my best friend’s boy friend asked me he said, “kyra, what is love to you?” and i said, “i’ll tel you the same thing i told my cousin, you love someone when the things you’d sacrifice for your family, you’d sacrifice for them, when you dont have to think of going without for that person because you just can.” and i know its a very simple definition but i think its a good one. sacrifice is alot. this is a very existential idea but humans at our nature are…..independent. we know how to do for ourselves and make sure we survive. we make sure we have enough. enough, not an abundance. because in nature having an abundance of something slows you down. you pack light, you take what you need. so if you only have but for so much you’re not going to give a whole lot. it is said that man, being humans, sacrifice for no one and the only exceptions are his children. what im getting at is that its a whole lot to say i wont eat so that you can or we have three pieces of fish, i’ll let you have two and i’ll just eat one because you need it more than i do. when you find someone who will go without so that you have, and most importantly not look to cash in any favors and wants absolutely nothing in return but for you to just HEAR them and love them. to just hold them when they are afraid or cold or lonely, keep them. because people these days want too much out of love. you never hear about relationships lasting anymore because that “i got you babe” love doesnt exist anymore, we as a people have too many superflous “needs”. we dont know how to do without. robin thicke said, “you can be rich when you’re poor and poor when you’re rich.” having “everything” isnt everything. the most important lesson in life is learning when someone has good intentions and when they dont. read people, their face, their body, their energy. watch and observe. dont just see, commit to memory. when you find people who want to help you just to help you accept it. when you find people who love you, let them love you. let them take down your walls with you. if you find someone who can understand the concept of progression over perfection than grow with them. let them take down your walls and then you love them. fight with them, not against them. be a team. its a rare thing to love and be loved back so dont fight for someone who can only understand your value once everyone else already has. and dont look back. you do not deserve me at my best. but more than that know that i deserve someone who deserves me, someone who LOVES me.
i think the easiest part about life is understanding other people. what makes them tick, what they like and dont like, how they operate, what makes them happy. but what about you? who are you? you could ask me right now, this very instant, and im not sure what i would say. i think in life sometimes we spend so much time being this person for that person or that person for this person that we lose who we are and who we “are” or pretend or believe to be becomes who we are. we become our identifiers. im sure mine is nurturer or motherly or some crap like that. and that is perfectly fine by me mainly because its who i am comfortable being. ive realized i am more than comfortable with taking away from my shine to let others shine. because i believe that everyone needs light, to be lit. i think that sometimes only when people realize they can shine, that they have this subconscience desire to shine, can they give themselves the permission to shine, only then do they shine. because they realize that it is okay. i think thats my problem. im afraid to shine because i like routine. i like knowing that he and she and him and her are all going to be there. i dont like the idea that me doing something or saying something or being someone can change all of that. i guess you can say i dont like change, but really i just like stability. i realize more and more with each passing year that what i need most out of life is stability. and that i try and always have tried to create that for myself. because those people who “should” take care of and do these things dont do it. i guess thats where this whole identifier thing started for me, the very beginning. im the only girl so ive always had to be mom. i guess ive never really had the opportunity to endulge in finding out who i am and what i like because ive always had to play a role. now i know myself as well as the next person, but i dont KNOW myself. i could probably tell you more about the person in my theatre class than myself. but i think all of these things have made me. i have in many ways become my identifier. more than that i like my identifier. i dont mind these things because i realize they make me happy. knowing that someone else can sleep easy at night allows me to sleep easy at night, its all about self realization. once you find out who others NEED you to be i think you find out who you NEED you to be and from there you find out who you ARE. you know thyself.
don’t lust after things.
sometimes in life we see what other people have or what we could have and we lust after it. we can not wait to be in possession of that item. sometimes we want that thing so bad we go to extreme lengths to get it. that could include but is not limited to: stepping on people, pushing people away, hindering our future, endangering personal relationships. in the moment we dont see these things as life altering because what we want we allow ourselves to believe so, “my only chance”. thus, we do these life altering decisions in a heart beat. dont do that! think about the things you do before you do them. dont consider them, think about them. is this really what you want? can you live with or without this thing? what are you willing to risk? who are you willing to risk?
NEVER get TOO comfortable.
when you get too comfortable in anything you leave room for mistakes because your senses are in a relaxed state and you can not see everything. fact: when you lose one sense all your other senses become heightened. therefore, if you lose your familiarity, your comfortability with things and people you will be more aware of the things and people around you.